Thursday, 6 September 2007
Another Day in the Office
Well, I had about an hour this morning where I could concentrate, but that has passed now, and I seem to have gone into a strange twilight zone where the concept of productivity doesn’t exist. I walked around for a bit, which meant going to the toilets, because unless I want to make a cup of tea in the tea room there’s nowhere else to go. When I came back I got the impression my co-workers had been talking about me. Maybe it’s paranoia. I can’t think of a reason why I’d provoke bitchy comments, but you never know. Maybe I look as out of it as I feel. I don’t think I’ve done anything too nuts today, even though I do feel very odd. Things seem slightly distorted. I’m tempted to just say I feel sick and go home. I really don’t feel that great today. I feel a bit stoned. I’ve just started to drink my second can of coke. Where would I be without diet coke? Fast asleep probably. I’m hoping it will perk me up a bit. God, I feel like any minute, in this office, amongst my sane co-workers, that I will just start doing something crazy.
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1 comment:
I do know what you are feeling. I think I'm a bit farther out of the worst of it than you but I distictly remember thinking that many people in the office were talking about me or saying comments about me because they would look at me in sort of a "funny" way. I've come to find out that paranoia is part of depression! Now, that doesn't mean coworkers aren't saying things once in a while but I don't believe it was as many times as I thought, and perhaps as you might think as well.
Anxiety is part and parcel to depression. I think that perhaps a person is very anxious before they become depressed. The constant worry is one of the most frustrating things about this whole mess. I used to believe that everyone in the world lived this way and that I was the only one who really couldn't handle it. After all, people were laughing and smiling and playing with their kids. Obviously, they were able to hanlde their anxieties. Turns out, they didn't have the nagging, chronic sense of worry and foreboding. It really leaves you wiped out! Your body is tense all the time and as a result, you feel constantly exhausted. That sounds exactly like what's happening to you right now.
One piece of unsolicited advice: stay away from the codeine. I know it's legal and it works great as a pain killer but you can become addicted to the euphora. Many people have. Espeically when they are at a point in their lives when anything that makes them feel good is a welcome relief from the constant weight of just living.
You will feel better. It will happen.
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