Anxiety

I feel a little better today. Still quite on edge. I have this work seminar thing in London next Tuesday, and it’s making me nervous. Yesterday I just felt awful, like I wasn’t really in control.
Thanks to Boo Boo, your words were very helpful. I knew anxiety was part of depression, but I thought about it and I was a very anxious child too. I used to worry about everything, and when I didn’t have anything to worry about, I’d make stuff up. Stupid stuff. When I was 10 I used to have panic attacks at school because I felt trapped there. I used to pretend I was sick so I could go home. At school, on occasion, they used to make us do presentations to the rest of the class, and I used to worry about it weeks before I had to do it, while everyone else around me took it in their stride. So I think I have been anxious for most of my life, and then, at 19, my boyfriend at the time dumped me, and it pushed me into full blown depression. It was only the antidepressants that stopped the anxiety, at least in the beginning. I think as the years have passed my brain has found a way to make me anxious again, no matter what medication I throw at it.

But I never looked at it from that perspective before, that my depression could have been a result of years of anxiety and stress, and that breaking up with a boyfriend finally tipped me over the edge.

As for the codeine, I will take less of the stuff. It’s silly really. I frequently complain about feeling numb, but when the anxiety creeps in I long for the numbness.