Two 20mg Prozac tablets a week. That’s what I’m down to. Further than I’ve ever gone before. I have noticed a slight panicky feeling sometimes, like I’ve slipped into another reality where nothing is safe – but it’s fleeting, and I expected it anyway. I don’t really feel that different….I’m quite blank today, but I had blank days on full dose too. Also off the codeine – for now. I long for it’s calming effect though. But I think it was damaging my insides.
Coming to work is a hellish experience at the moment. Maybe it’s the removal of the prozac’s comfy padding effect. I’m feeling the boredom of work more intensely, feeling more dissatisfied and restless. It’s not nice. I think antidepressants make reality more bearable, more sugar coated. Now I have to learn to live with it’s harsh nastiness and horrible people. I have to be smack bang in the middle of reality, and all my escapes are closed to me now. No codeine to take me away, hardly any prozac to make things seem safe…..can’t find solace in chocolate, because I need to lose weight. Went shopping over the weekend and bought nothing because I couldn’t find anything I liked. Shopping ALWAYS used to make me feel a bit better.
Ok, so I’m having a bad day. I’d rather like to take some Nurofen Plus. SOMETHING to take me away from this horrible place.
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About Me
- Girl, Interrupted
- I wanted to write a blog about normal stuff, but it has turned into a memoir of depression, with a few mundane observations thrown in for good measure.
2 comments:
I hope that you find the right balance between what medication you want to be on, and what you don’t want to be on, it’s a hard place to be in at times, but its is all up to the individual at the end of the day. And I guess when you find that balance and focus on it, then you find life does become more colourful.
Hey Girl,
Have you tried finding another job? What would you like to do? I know that can be hard to figure out right now as boredom and depression don't leave much room for creative thinking or even caring but it might be something worth considering. A change of venue, so to speak.
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