It’s a quiet day in the office today…..I’m floating on a pleasant codeine high. I’ve discovered that I get a better rush when I take Nurofen Plus, which is a combination of ibuprofen and codeine. I tried taking some other painkiller that contained paracetamol and dihydracodeine, but it didn’t work as well, and it upset my stomach. I don’t recommend taking any of these recreationally. They feel very nice but I’m finding it very difficult to stop. I think my problem is that I don’t want to stop. They make me feel nice. If I could take a look at my insides I’d probably see what damage they are doing, but I’m in a kind of denial. Like a junkie I keep telling myself ‘I could stop if I really wanted to,’ and ‘I’m still in control.’ I can also see these things are becoming less and less true. But there remains a part of me that doesn’t think I have a problem. After all, it’s not heroin (my brain keeps telling me.)
It would be nice if I didn’t have to take anything, including antidepressants. It would be nice if my brain just worked, without any help.
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Can't say I blame you. If there was something that could make me feel euphoric, I'd probably take it too as I haven't felt that way in a very long time. However, I'd be afraid of becoming addicted because I'd like the feeling too much. That's the hard part. That's what you're struggling with right now. Are you still in therapy? Do you know what is at the core of your depression? What is the base cause of it? Can you pinpoint it? These are not easy questions I'm asking as it takes a lifetime for some people to figure it out. If you can figure out what the core issues are, perhaps you can start picking pieces of these issues and working through them. Again, not an easy task and a time consuming one but eventually, you might get to a point where you feel great without needing any medication at all. It's possible.
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