The Weekend

Saturday

A 90 mile drive to Coventry to pick up my new car. With my dad in the passenger seat. The pick up went fine, but on the return journey, in the spiffing new car, the petrol was running dangerously low, and we had to go into Warwick to find a petrol station. I panicked, as I was trying to get used to a new car, and also trying to find a petrol station in the middle of a town I’d never been in. I freaked out. In the end, we got some petrol, but dad had to drive us both home. I got stupidly stressed about it. I think I was overly tired too, because driving for long distances is more draining that you think. Dad now thinks I’m crazy.

Sunday

Weighed myself. 11st 8lbs. I nearly had a heart attack and throughout the day I weighed myself about a dozen more times, convinced that the scales were wrong. Then I weighed myself again the next day and I was 11st 4lbs. Phew! But WTF is going on? Is it normal to fluctuate by 4lbs? Both times I weighed myself in the morning. Also, when I weighed myself a few weeks ago, I was 11st 5lbs, and I was killing myself with diet food. And then I got sick of denying myself so I stuffed my face, and promptly lost a pound. My body is so fucking weird. It doesn’t do what it’s supposed to.

Bank Holiday Monday

I had to meet the boyfriend’s sister and her husband for the first time. I’m terrible at meeting people. I go very quiet, even more so than usual. It didn’t help that the sister and her husband were ridiculously successful. Both London lawyers with a passion for everything. They ran a marathon on Sunday, and in the evening went to a Rolling Stones gig. They cycle and keep very fit and travel a lot and read high brow books. They were also ridiculously positive and upbeat. I had to work very hard not to appear dark and depressing. There is a massive gulf between them and me. But even so, I think I did a fairly good job of appearing normal. And they aren’t bad people. They’re nice. But I got the distinct impression that they had never encountered even a day of mental unease in their lives, they’re very practical people, not very introspective. I think I would scare them if they knew what I’m really like.