Office Folk

The aging rocker: used to be in quite a successful band in the early nineties. Still gigs occasionally, but somehow ended up working here. Often grumpy. Easily annoyed. Always wears black. Thinks he’s more high brow than he actually is.

The office geek: one schizophrenic episode in uni. Suspiciously close to his mother. Has encyclopedic knowledge of The Simpsons, Monty Python, Star Trek, and many other sci-fi type films/programmes. Eats with mouth open. Never had a girlfriend. Wears beige. Is very tall and trousers always too short.

The jesters: 2 childlike twenty-somethings with identical sense of humour. Very funny. Don’t take work too seriously. One verges on being a geek, the other verges on being a chav. Both intelligent. Double act. The office entertainment.

The simpleton: once asked me how to spell ‘orange,’ very slow, tall and wide. Likes football and drinking.

The professional: serious about work. Doesn’t talk much, but whispers to herself constantly. Has whole whispered conversations with herself. Likes paper. Always preferring to print everything out and put it in files for no apparent reason. Sometime argues with husband on the phone.

The boss: chain smoking manager. Good at job, but grammar very poor. Has about a hundred guinea pigs. Calls them her babies.

The Big Man: some kind of manager, does something very vague with budgets. Spends most of his time wandering around talking to people. No clear job role. Ignores anyone who is not a manager. Looks disgusted all the time. Bad teeth.

Is this too cruel? Probably. But I haven’t gotten to me yet.

Me: quiet person with some kind of mental disorder. Likes to rummage around in bag for painkillers. Eats a lot. Drink too much coke. Spends lots of time on internet, generally slacking, and avoids talking on the phone. Arrives late. Complains about air conditioning. Sighs a lot. Doesn’t smile very much.

So there you have it. I feel dead guilty about this. Not sure whether I should post it. What if I am discovered? Pretty unlikely, but it may happen. And they’d do what – fire me? Yes please.

People are quite fascinating really. I work in an office, doing boring stuff, but I am surrounded by these strange people. I am strange too. I fit in more than I think I do.