Side Effects

My body is doing all sorts of weird things and acting in a very unpredictable manor. But I must endure. Sertraline is like a plumber, re-routing dodgy connections and controlling the flow of sertraline. But instead of fixing leaks, it’s causing them, so I have lots of little serotonin puddles.
I’ve been feeling sick. Strange little stomach complaints that are a common side effect with the drug. Oddly enough, I’m also very withdrawn, so other people seem very far away and for some bizarre reason I find it preferable not to look anyone in the eye. I just don’t want to. I’m tired, taking lots of little cat naps when time allows. I can’t think of anything to say to people, thought processes are slowed, as if underwater. To top it all off I have the occasional feeling of dizziness and disorientation.

I know I’m moaning/self obsessed/boring as hell. But I’m honestly not after sympathy. I expected all of the above. I’ve been doing this long enough to know what’s what, and that doctors are often uninformed about antidepressants, and that for me, the drugs kick in at around the one and a half week mark. I know that I am acting and feeling things that are not usual for me.

I long for the day when I can get enthusiastic about my painting again, about writing poetry again. If I could just get the motivation going, then I’d be ok. I have a talent, not the greatest talent, but still, talent of sorts, but right now I haven’t the will to drive it. I’m hoping if/when the meds kick in I’ll be able to progress from this horrible state I’m in right now.